Warning: Nerd Alert

Guys! My number one guy spent the night. We started out the evening with a thrilling game of Star Wars battle something or other. Rylan said it was akin to a game called Heroes. Basically it was a game of light side vs the dark side; but set up like a grown up game, more commonly known as “Chess.” What it boiled down to was that he each took a turn killing someone on the opposing side. Ry chose the dark side, shocker! So I was forced to play the light side, and I have to admit folks, I was honored. The only rule my friends, was my guys couldn’t kill Darth Vader. I could attack any other of the dark side guys (my favorite thing was attacking the At-At’s after pretending to kill Vader. The kid fell for it every time). Darth Vader would then kill whichever figurine I had chosen to use against his forces.

Finally! I realized I had more than rebel troops and x-wing pilots, I HAD R2-D2. And when I realized it after losing half of my army, I exclaimed, “Ohhhhh!!!! I have R2-D2!!” To which Rylan promptly replied, “yeah you get to electrocute (people) to death,” in the squeaky creepy voice he sometimes gets when he describes oddly specific death scenarios. When I then proceeded to kill one of his Imperial army guys with R2-D2 and tried to retaliate, I had to draw the line; if Vader gets to live, so does R2-D2. I forgot to also mention, the first one he had Vader kill, was my ewok; so obviously I was taking this very hard.

Fortunately, Ry quickly gave up before I had to extend the same immunity to Hans, Chewy, and C-3PO (not sure where Luke was during this crisis and also, why wasn’t their a Leia).

I made him hot cocoa because I was fresh out of chocolate milk (but he didn’t want iced hot chocolate haha). He took up 3/4 of my bed with his knees and elbows in my back as he fell asleep after asking if we could listen to Harry Potter while falling asleep.

I love him and I cherish every single snuggle he lets me get.

Mental Health

If You’re Sad and Feeling Blue

So if you’ve read my blog, you know I struggle with depression. This month it’s been coming on ever so slowly. I hate it. I can use my tools as much as I want, but eventually, the crash will come and I hate it because I know I can’t fully stop it. The worst thing about depression, is watching it arrive, only to fight it, and still pick yourself up… again…only to know that it absolutely WILL come to visit again.

An unfortunate constant. Especially when I literally have nothing to be sad about. I’ve been writing more, been getting outside more, I have lost over 60 pounds, and I feel beautiful. Confident even. I should be celebrating.

The weekend I went to the cabin I thought maybe I had beaten this round. Yet, I may have found myself driving to work, wishing something apocalyptic had happened so Life could be canceled…or I could just not exist anymore. Folks, I wish I were kidding.

I don’t mean to alarm anyone. If things like that are creeping in, I reach out to someone. And I did and I ALWAYS do. This is part of depression. Everything is going great, but there are those tapes we’ve been playing in our thick skulls since as far back as we can remember. A negative thought sits on the outskirts of our brains. Soft at first, insisting you don’t deserve to be happy. You keep pushing along, because you know there are reasons to celebrate; reasons to thrive.

I’m so grateful I have learned to utilize the tools I’ve learned that help me pull myself out of the meanest sets of the doldrums. Find time to create✅ Reach out to a few of my MANY solid friends✅ (again, guys!! Grateful🙌❤️) self-care✅ Spend time with some of my cherished Little’s ✅

I started out the day on the verge of tears, and tonight my heart is full. I am so loved. I am so blessed in like, every single way. There is hope and picking yourself up again is always worth it.

Tonight’s post written to:

With the game muted in the background. Go Warriors!