Humor

Did You Have a Nice Trip?

The fair young maiden, whom will sometimes be called, “Mandalicious” (this name having been bestowed upon her by dear friend, Gus) never claimed to be a “neat freak”, as one might put it. In fact, she was a tiny bit of a slob, or just a plain slob. However, she preferred the term “messy”  thinking it sounded slightly less slovenly. While she knew how to clean and was capable of creating a clean living space, there were always more important things to do. Sometimes a visit to the pool and catching rays were more important, while other times one of the many projects she had going on (scrapbooking, painting, writing, netflixing, reading, snuggling with a niece or nephew, etc.) would draw her attention and putting the clothes away just didn’t seem a priority really ever. While this caused much embarrassment throughout her life, as she got older, she began to accept that being a cluttered lass was part of her existence. (Aren’t there hundreds of articles on the interwebs that state a creative person is often messy?) So  instead of being offended when people made comments, it was a tad easier to simply accept this character flaw and learn to love herself in spite of it, for creativity is what she thrived on. Acceptance of oneself is incredibly important if one is to live happily-ever-after under any circumstances, and Mandalicious was on a path of self acceptance and appreciation. It was unfamiliar territory, but it was a wondrous journey.

When describing her living quarters, she often described them as “messy, but not filthy” because no one obviously likes to walk on a floor covered in sticky crumbs or use a nasty lavatory, not even she. There came a time however, when she had to admit she could no longer let her depression and laziness rule her life. She needed to be more diligent in her self care if not for her mental health, but for her bottom. The story that changed the maiden’s perspective goes as follows:

Once upon a time the mid single maiden came home to a message from the proprietor of her lodgings. The message stated, “I need to speak with you this evening, Much obliged, Lord Fox.” -Or something in that manner.

Instead of trudging her weary self up the stairs to her quarters of the manor, she knocked hesitantly on the proprietor’s front door. “Come in! Have a seat!” he boomed. All the while, straining to keep his beautiful dog named Hazel from attacking her with all the love in the poor beast’s heart. As she sat down she greeted Lady Fox and her husband let her know he was having a pest control man come out to spray for the non existent bugs in the house (that is for a later post, because there is in fact no infestation of any kind). “You will have to move the furniture away from the walls, ahem, all the walls will need to be clear so the bug man could attend to his duties.” Mandalicious innerly cringed as she recalled that she hadn’t put clothes away in- well, not in a long while. The idea of having to clean instead of write was rather disappointing, but she thought to herself, “what an excellent catalyst of motivation.”  The three of them discussed the non existent bug situation and then the maiden took her leave.

She summoned courage and desire to clean and then sat promptly down to do a puzzle. Do not worry reader, she did not stay there all night. No, Mandalicious got up and decided to do the dishes and pull everything into the center of the rooms. Her poor back was very angry with her, but she persisted. Soon enough she moved on to her clothes, (thankfully she had cleaned the living room and kitchen on Saturday). She did not manage to get much of that done. After deciding to finish in the morning (honestly what was she thinking? For anyone who truly knew this fair maiden knew getting up early was also not one of her strengths) she cleared her vanity and put the garbage full of papers that needed to be taken out in the morning close to the door, but out of her path. (It is most important to mention she did in fact accomplish taking the trash out, but not until it was too late; which I will more fully explain at present).

To cure her inability to get out of bed in the morning she had also started putting her phone on the vanity across from her bed. In order to turn off her loathsome alarm clock, she had to sit up and actually get up to turn off the phone. On this particular night, she did her nightly routine, set audible to play exactly 8 minutes of The Order of the Phoenix, and placed the phone on the vanity and retreated to her cozy bed. She drifted to sleep as soon as Jim Dale stopped speaking.

At approximately 4am, the urge to use the ladies room aroused her from her slumber. Well, the fair young maiden wasn’t going to approach this task without knowing precisely how many more hours or minutes she had to sleep before the dreaded call of the blasted alarm would let her know it was time to wake and ready herself for another day at work. However, as she got up to reach the phone, she stepped on the garbage bag and tripped forward, caught herself and fell onto the floor. This promptly caused her leg to cramp and evidently gave her an awful knot and bruise on her bottom. But no matter, at least she knew the time now.

While she was a tad sore, she knew this was quite hilarious and proceeded giggle to herself about how utterly lamebrained she sometimes is. In any case, the fair maiden vowed to do better in this department. Alas, the clothes did not in fact get put away, but rather thrown onto her bed. Temporarily they were back on the floor, but she had high expectations of herself and the floor is almost clear in her bedroom…almost.  Tripping and falling in the middle of the night may make a great story, and while embarrassing to some extent, it really just made her more determined to better herself. She cut herself some slack and then she started a daily chore plan. So far ( it only being two nights since the fall) she has been progressing. Which is really what she perceived this life to be about, progressing. 

3 thoughts on “Did You Have a Nice Trip?

  1. You are so cute! And what a great tool to dig the unsightly circumstances out and neatly file them away. Never to look at them. Unless for some references you may need to teach and guide a fair maiden to a greater level of happiness

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is so fun. What an excellent writer you are. But I already knew that. You motivated me today. I need to follow your example. But since I got up at 1:30 with your father, to make his breakfast, and I’ve been puttering and studying since then. (Now almost 5 am) I think I’ll postpone my progress until after an early morning nap. Yes. I like cutting myself slack. Thanks

    Liked by 1 person

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